29 Nov 2005

It wasn’t before long that I found myself very sleepy this afternoon. I didn’t have enough sleep these few days. But then I think of something: is that because I have no pressure from the work or is that simply not enough sleep makes me feel so sleepy?

I seem to remember had asked my friends about this one: are you more easily prone to sleepiness when you’re having a lot of work and exhausted, or when you are having unimportant things to be done and feeling useless?

Of me, when I’m really under great pressure of deadlines, I can suppress my sleepiness. This is the experience that I had when I was in university. Well, let’s put it in this way, I had most of my experience from the past three years of university more than all the other years in my life. Diversity really makes you know yourself more. And diversity could be best found in my university. (yeh, MY university only, ho ho ho…).

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These days, I can feel that myself is getting much and much lazier. I just don’t want to work hard. When jobs are given to me, I will finish it as quick as I can. But when those ad hoc jobs are finished, I don’t want to move again. I’m not motivated enough, neither internally nor externally.

I become more selfish too. I just want more for myself and less for the others. I just think of myself first, and not the others, even if those people are precious to me.

I become less willing to change, or to give up things. I just want things the way they are now, unless it’s really very bad. I’m so reluctant to change and so used to comfort.

I’m decaying. In three aspects I am decaying. One is physically, second is mentally, and the third, morally.

What happened?